Andrew’s thoughts & observations
A stream of thoughts and ideas, messy & unclean
Brené Brown writes about her being sober for 23 years. Recently I discovered that I had a socially acceptable form of addiction. – Solving problems that aren’t mine to be solved. It’s been about a month of ‘being sober’ for me, and I’m already starting to see the positive affects. My mantra “this isn’t my problem to solve”.
https://brenebrown.com/articles/2019/05/31/what-being-sober-has-meant-to-me/
German Forester Peter Wohlleben recently (2015) published a book “The Hidden Life of Trees”, and while it’s primarily about the intelligence that some scientists are finding within trees in connected communities in forests, I found a glimpse of how God handles time. Early on in the book, Wohlleben explains how a “mother tree” nurtures a “child tree” for decades. It’s not uncommon for a mother tree to restrict the growth of the child for 80 years. The life time of trees isn’t measured in decades, like a human life, it’s measured in hundreds of years.
I’m not quite sure where I heard this quote recently, but it’s been knocking around in my head:
God’s default is slow
How true I found this quote to be while reading about the processes involved in the life of a tree in a forest lasting hundreds of years. I found this to be a perfect metaphor on how God thinks about time.
It is easy to complain that yesterday’s prayer hasn’t been answered, but when we turn to the bible, we see story after story of large periods of time when God was seemingly inactive, he may have even provided someone with a promise, but it takes time for that promise to come to fruition.
As a 28 year old, I find comfort in hearing others stories when they say that they didn’t start doing ‘there thing’ until they were in their early thirties. While I’m mindful that if there is any chance of seeing a generation in front of any children that I might be blessed to have in the future, God might need to get a wriggle on in the relationship department. I still have time on my side.
That said, I also don’t want to waste time. It’s a precious resource.
Life comes in movements, or seasons. While sometimes I want to be in the next season, try as hard as we might, in order to get through winter into summer, we must go through winter and spring. And in the waiting, character is developed. Just as a mother tree nurtures their child for decades, so that the child can build strength and resilience, so that when the time is right, it can grow into the tree it was destined to be.
A song that talks about waiting on the apparent slowness of God: Take Courage, the chorus goes like this:
[Chorus]
So take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waiting
And hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing
He’s never failing
Waiting can suck. Apparently it’s worth it.
Since writing the “why so serious post” a few weeks back, this idea of joy has been rolling around in my head.
How do I live out of a place of joy? How do I make it my default operating state?
I like funny things. I think most people do. Late last year, earlier this year I had a bit of a line around things either being boring or not. “Don’t be boring” frequently left my lips.
It served a purpose, but ultimately wasn’t overly helpful. I actually didn’t realise how much I was using it, until a friend pulled me up on it as a bit of a joke one day. (Ever since, I’ve stopped). Life is full of boring moments, not everything can be fun all the time.
But is fun and funny the same? No, I don’t think so.
I’ve noticed myself not being so serious in situations lately. Recently I was in a shopping centre with some friends and we had literally been shopping for hours. You know that feeling when your like “not…another…shop“, but sadly we had a list to get through. While standing next to the food court area of this shop, that was complete with a number of vacant tables, and more importantly chairs, I suggested “Hey, do we want to take a bit of a break?“.
One member of the group responded with a slightly silly response “where?” So I responded in just as silly way, “I was thinking right here” and plopped down and sat on the floor…of a corridor…of a shopping centre. Which then the next logical move was to simply lay down, so I did. I laid down in, on the floor, in a shopping centre, for about 20 seconds.
Two things happened.
Firstly it gave my friends something to chuckle about. But more importantly, secondly, nothing else. An act that most people wouldn’t dream of ever doing, but why not? Unless your in a super busy space, I doubt it will kill you. Some random strangers than you will never see again, they might make some random judgements, but should that effect you? No, not really.
But for some reason it does. What others think of us does have a tendency to hold us back from doing things, well at least it does for me. And this in turn, limits my capacity to experience joy. Brene Brown writes in her book “Daring Greatly” from 2012:
“I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. You have to know that I’m trying to be Wholehearted, but I still cuss too much, flip people off under the steering wheel, and have both Lawrence Welk and Metallica on my iPod.”
I know I am guilty of letting “what will they think” stop me from doing something simple. Who are they? Why should I listen to them?
As a Jesus follower, I think the most important question I can ask when it comes to my actions, is not “what will they think“, but more “what will Jesus think“, or “how does this action line up with the ways of Jesus” (that’s a bit of a mouthful to say!)
Does this build someone up, or tear them down?
Does it bring hope and life into the world, or death and destruction?
If it’s life giving, is it funny? If so, go ahead and do it, don’t stop!
There is an obvious omission here. I was recently driving a group of young people around, let’s call two of them Bill and Sarah. Sarah was threatening to expose Bill’s YouTube channel to the greater youth community that they are both apart of. “Hang on” I interrupted “Your ok with total stranger judging your work, but not your friends?” Bill’s reply “Yes, because strangers don’t see me every day, they can’t physically do things“. How true, how often do we feel that our greatest critics, are not strangers, but those around us? Kris Vallotton has a great quote [paraphrased] “The level at which someone can hurt you, is only equal to level at which you love them”
If we think that are friends are going to judge us badly for our actions of trying to bring life and joy into the world, it’s possibly time to find some new friends. Or at the very least have a conversation with them. Thankfully my friends are loving enough to laugh off my silly act of lying on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre.
Remember, this is just one tool in the toolbox. Toolboxes are full of tools, and a tradie doesn’t use the exact same tool, on every, single, job (expect for maybe a screwdriver, they are pretty handy!). Also this is the start of a journey for me, I might one day look back on this and thinks it’s rubbish, but at least, for hear and now, it seems to be working.
Does this mean that to live from a place of joy, that everything has to be funny? Nope! That would be so tiring. Things are funny because of the contrast of the mundane. (Although some comedians are great at pulling the mundane and making it funny…why do we get on and off trains, yet in and out of cars?? Thanks Jerry for that question!) But I’ve found that letting go, just a bit, by saying or doing something funny seems to bring a bit of joy into my world and to those around me.
Let’s give ourselves permission to experience more joy. I’ll go first:
I Andrew, give myself permission to experience joy daily, and to not limit my experience to what others think.
Now your turn:
I {your name}, give myself permission to experience joy daily, and to not limit my experience to what others think.
The joker in Batman has this great line “why so serious?”
I was reflecting on that this morning as I drove 90 minutes to a clients office. Last night I had the hospitality of my sister and soon to be brother in law at their new place.
I arrived late, I was tired and really was just looking to go to bed last night when I arrived. Upon arriving I was given a grand tour of their modest unit. It’s going to be a great little place for them to start their life. As I was walking back to my car to get my things for a slumber party, I realised that I probably should have been more enthusiastic and excited for them as I was given the grand tour. I was reminded of a family friend, who is excellent at making what seemingly looks mundane really exciting and drawing attention to something, anything and saying how much she loves it, or the way it’s working in the room.
This morning I was being rather task oriented, I needed to be on the road by 8:30 to make my meeting. Therefore breakfast needs to be cooked. I’m no chef, and neither are my parents, but one thing my dad taught me was scheduling the cooking of food so that everything is ready as close together as possible. So when I’m asked “how many eggs do I want?” before the bacon has even hit the pan, I can spot we are going to have an issue. There is no way we can cook bacon, hash browns and eggs, and have them all ready at the same time, by starting with cooking the eggs.
So somehow rightly or wrongly I ended up in the kitchen cooking for everyone.
During what turned into my 90 minute commute to the clients office, I was reflecting on this morning activities, (which were shorter than I was spending driving) & I realised I had probably over stepped my boundary. In an attempt to “perfect” breakfast, I lost a relationship opportunity.
I probably wouldn’t like if my partners older sibling came and pushed in at breakfast when I had opened my home to them.
Which then got me thinking about Joy.
How do I bring joy into every situation?
Now before you go saying, that’s unrealistic. What about a funeral? What about in sickness, what about in xyz awful situation, there’s no joy to be found there. And you know what, your probably right. But I don’t face one of those issues, every single day, a handful of times a year, yes, but most days no. So let’s talk about an ideal for most days.
How do I bring joy into the everyday?
How do I do this in a sustainable way? Sure it’s possible to be funny, or act like a clown for a period of time, but most people can’t sustain that 24/7, it’s not practical.
There is where we start to draw a line. The difference between joy and fun.
I think joy is a state of being. It’s something from deep inside.
Fun on the other hand, is a temporary state. Like laughter, you laugh for a period, you experience ‘fun’ for a period. Joy is a way of being.
So we come back to the question. How do I experience joy, every, single, day?
That, I’m yet to find an answer too.
Jesus asks a sick man the question “Do you want to be well?” before healing him.
I always thought it was a bit of a silly question, of course he wants to be well…right? But recently the meaning of the question has changed for me. Instead of asking permission about whether the man wants to be healed or not, I think he might be asking him to remember life, before he was unwell.
In my personal experience of my little broken bone this year, I discovered that it’s very easy to get stuck inside the day to day “sickness”. It’s hard to remember that life wasn’t always like this. Sure there’s time when I pick up a power tool….or at least attempt to pick up a tool & fail, and I remember back to a time when I was full of health. But mostly, I feel I just adapt in this “new life”, in some ways it’s a “sub par” version of my old life physically.
Do I want to get well? Yes. But often I forget that returning to that life is an option, as the present reality and situation says otherwise.
The good news is that the Physio believes I’m on track for health. Hurray! There’s just a bunch of work to do between now & then.
[update]
Since writing the start of this post, I’ve been dwelling on the idea of what other ways have I got “stuck” in without realising it.
Do I want a clean house? Yes I do. My BS excuse around the lounge room is “that is where the heater is & therefore it make sense to put the clothes horse there”, which in turn blocks up the traffic flow. For some reason my personal pet hate is washing everywhere. I think that, that stems from my childhood, having to constantly keep a family of 4s washing done & clean & the inability for anything to dry outside 8 months of the year.
While walking into church this evening, I ran into a family from another church who were visiting. The last time I had seen them was at a sudo Passover meal, back at Easter time. She commented “your free! No sling!”, as when we had previously meet up, I was still sling bound. “Not quite free yet” I replied “it still not quite right”.
By this time I had caught up with them, instead of yelling across the car park. Upon hearing the news, without hesitation he put his hand on my shoulder and started praying for healing. My initial reaction was that he was just being funny, but then I remembered this couple had invested a great deal into learning and understanding supernatural things, like praying for healing.
Jesus had a story around if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can move mountains. I’ve heard a bunch of sermons on this (sadly, no pastor has ever managed to perform a magic trick on stage where he/she moves a mountain…)
Did I even have a mustard seed sized amount of faith that this guys impromptu car park prayer would actually work? I don’t think I did. I had been living with this temporary new “normal”, that the idea of something praying a prayer and fixing it….hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I bet you want to know if it worked or not. At this stage I’m not sure. I’ll find out on Friday at the Physio, whether or not I’m back to 100%.
I wish I could provide myself with some clear advice on how to actually do what the title of the posts says, but unfortunately I am not there yet.
I am encouraged by the stories of those who came from nothing & rose to something. I think we all are at some level. But that encouragement doesn’t turn to motivation. And without that fire to get the job done, whatever it takes, it seems that only average results follow.
I want to be the best….but not that badly
When I look around me, with the people I know, very few of them are truely busting their ass to get to where they want to go. I do not feel like one of them. (Others may disagree, however I don’t feel like I’m getting the outcome I’m looking for). I feel like a lazy western white guy. I don’t have to really work hard to get paid. I sit at a computer and bang away on some buttons, make things happen and in return get some cash. I don’t have to pick up heavy things, rarely do I need to work odd hours (however I am more productive outside of bankers hours, than in), nor do I have to juggle kids or staff. I feel that I work hard in busts on projects.
I think I’m just too comfortable and too afraid to make a jump….in any direction. Without jumping, the world is rushing past and I am getting left behind.
I use to be a long term thinker, but for some reason life beat that idea out of me. I feel so short sighted and like I’m just jumping from small thing to small thing.
I have no answers, only questions.
Was the tradition printed newspaper the original social timeline, pre Facebook?
I casually checked my Udemy account today, which is something I do a couple of times a week, and to my surprise it said that I had sold my first ever video course on Udemy yesterday! How exciting!
Now just to get around to scripting an planning the next course.
The Robcast Episode 100 with Rob and Elizabeth Gilbert is rather interesting and insightful on so many levels.
One topic that they had a bit of a riff on was the idea of creating something, just because. Rob created a character with his kids called Dicky …
He went all out, got some stories together, a bunch of illustrations and a pitch for publishers and was flat out rejected. So Dickie ended up in a file in the garage.
Elizibeth had just been playing with poetry, which turned into lyrics, which turned into recording a song. For what? The fun of it basically.
Guess what, nobody died in the process.
It is so liberating that these people who have quote made it quote, still have the freedom to play and experiment with ideas, and better yet, they don’t always turn out to be mega successful works, like their previous work.
I was recently at a meeting and a mother had to bring her daughters to it and they say in the corner on a small table made at children height and just created with pens and pencils and things for the hour. Why? Because it’s fun! Arrr to learn to get back to the point of doing stuff for the fun of it.
That reminds me, I really should get that new box of LEGO out and built it.