Joy – How I limit myself

Since writing the “why so serious post” a few weeks back, this idea of joy has been rolling around in my head.

How do I live out of a place of joy? How do I make it my default operating state?

I like funny things. I think most people do. Late last year, earlier this year I had a bit of a line around things either being boring or not. “Don’t be boring” frequently left my lips.

It served a purpose, but ultimately wasn’t overly helpful. I actually didn’t realise how much I was using it, until a friend pulled me up on it as a bit of a joke one day. (Ever since, I’ve stopped). Life is full of boring moments, not everything can be fun all the time.

But is fun and funny the same? No, I don’t think so.

I’ve noticed myself not being so serious in situations lately. Recently I was in a shopping centre with some friends and we had literally been shopping for hours. You know that feeling when your like “not…another…shop“, but sadly we had a list to get through. While standing next to the food court area of this shop, that was complete with a number of vacant tables, and more importantly chairs, I suggested “Hey, do we want to take a bit of a break?“.

One member of the group responded with a slightly silly response “where?” So I responded in just as silly way, “I was thinking right here” and plopped down and sat on the floor…of a corridor…of a shopping centre. Which then the next logical move was to simply lay down, so I did. I laid down in, on the floor, in a shopping centre, for about 20 seconds.

Two things happened.

Firstly it gave my friends something to chuckle about. But more importantly, secondly, nothing else. An act that most people wouldn’t dream of ever doing, but why not? Unless your in a super busy space, I doubt it will kill you. Some random strangers than you will never see again, they might make some random judgements, but should that effect you? No, not really.

But for some reason it does. What others think of us does have a tendency to hold us back from doing things, well at least it does for me. And this in turn, limits my capacity to experience joy. Brene Brown writes in her book “Daring Greatly” from 2012:

“I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. You have to know that I’m trying to be Wholehearted, but I still cuss too much, flip people off under the steering wheel, and have both Lawrence Welk and Metallica on my iPod.”

I know I am guilty of letting “what will they think” stop me from doing something simple. Who are they? Why should I listen to them?

As a Jesus follower, I think the most important question I can ask when it comes to my actions, is not “what will they think“, but more “what will Jesus think“, or “how does this action line up with the ways of Jesus” (that’s a bit of a mouthful to say!)

Does this build someone up, or tear them down?

Does it bring hope and life into the world, or death and destruction?

If it’s life giving, is it funny? If so, go ahead and do it, don’t stop!

There is an obvious omission here. I was recently driving a group of young people around, let’s call two of them Bill and Sarah. Sarah was threatening to expose Bill’s YouTube channel to the greater youth community that they are both apart of. “Hang on” I interrupted “Your ok with total stranger judging your work, but not your friends?” Bill’s reply “Yes, because strangers don’t see me every day, they can’t physically do things“. How true, how often do we feel that our greatest critics, are not strangers, but those around us? Kris Vallotton has a great quote [paraphrased] “The level at which someone can hurt you, is only equal to level at which you love them”

If we think that are friends are going to judge us badly for our actions of trying to bring life and joy into the world, it’s possibly time to find some new friends. Or at the very least have a conversation with them. Thankfully my friends are loving enough to laugh off my silly act of lying on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre.

Remember, this is just one tool in the toolbox. Toolboxes are full of tools, and a tradie doesn’t use the exact same tool, on every, single, job (expect for maybe a screwdriver, they are pretty handy!). Also this is the start of a journey for me, I might one day look back on this and thinks it’s rubbish, but at least, for hear and now, it seems to be working.

Does this mean that to live from a place of joy, that everything has to be funny? Nope! That would be so tiring. Things are funny because of the contrast of the mundane. (Although some comedians are great at pulling the mundane and making it funny…why do we get on and off trains, yet in and out of cars?? Thanks Jerry for that question!) But I’ve found that letting go, just a bit, by saying or doing something funny seems to bring a bit of joy into my world and to those around me.

Let’s give ourselves permission to experience more joy. I’ll go first:

I Andrew, give myself permission to experience joy daily, and to not limit my experience to what others think.

Now your turn:

I {your name}, give myself permission to experience joy daily, and to not limit my experience to what others think.

Why so serious?

The joker in Batman has this great line “why so serious?”

I was reflecting on that this morning as I drove 90 minutes to a clients office. Last night I had the hospitality of my sister and soon to be brother in law at their new place.

I arrived late, I was tired and really was just looking to go to bed last night when I arrived. Upon arriving I was given a grand tour of their modest unit. It’s going to be a great little place for them to start their life. As I was walking back to my car to get my things for a slumber party, I realised that I probably should have been more enthusiastic and excited for them as I was given the grand tour. I was reminded of a family friend, who is excellent at making what seemingly looks mundane really exciting and drawing attention to something, anything and saying how much she loves it, or the way it’s working in the room.

This morning I was being rather task oriented, I needed to be on the road by 8:30 to make my meeting. Therefore breakfast needs to be cooked. I’m no chef, and neither are my parents, but one thing my dad taught me was scheduling the cooking of food so that everything is ready as close together as possible. So when I’m asked “how many eggs do I want?” before the bacon has even hit the pan, I can spot we are going to have an issue. There is no way we can cook bacon, hash browns and eggs, and have them all ready at the same time, by starting with cooking the eggs.

So somehow rightly or wrongly I ended up in the kitchen cooking for everyone.

During what turned into my 90 minute commute to the clients office, I was reflecting on this morning activities, (which were shorter than I was spending driving) & I realised I had probably over stepped my boundary. In an attempt to “perfect” breakfast, I lost a relationship opportunity.

I probably wouldn’t like if my partners older sibling came and pushed in at breakfast when I had opened my home to them.

Which then got me thinking about Joy.

How do I bring joy into every situation?

Now before you go saying, that’s unrealistic. What about a funeral? What about in sickness, what about in xyz awful situation, there’s no joy to be found there. And you know what, your probably right. But I don’t face one of those issues, every single day, a handful of times a year, yes, but most days no. So let’s talk about an ideal for most days.

How do I bring joy into the everyday?

How do I do this in a sustainable way? Sure it’s possible to be funny, or act like a clown for a period of time, but most people can’t sustain that 24/7, it’s not practical.

There is where we start to draw a line. The difference between joy and fun.

I think joy is a state of being. It’s something from deep inside.

Fun on the other hand, is a temporary state. Like laughter, you laugh for a period, you experience ‘fun’ for a period. Joy is a way of being.

So we come back to the question. How do I experience joy, every, single, day?

That, I’m yet to find an answer too.

Reflections on Luke 1

Luke 1.
Luke starts his story of Jesus, with another story. A story of an older couple who wanted to have kids, but never did. A man who was going about his everyday job, doing the thing that his probably done a thousand times before without incident, yet this time, this time was different.

Zachariah was a Jewsish priest, he was an older man, married to Elizabeth. One day Zachariah was going about his job and burning some incense. It was his turn on the rooster to do this. Today was different to other days as an Angel of the Lord appeared. Boo! 

This angel lets Zac know that he is to have a son, and that his son will have the Holy Spirit from birth (what’s that mean?), he can’t let wine touch his lips (why is that worth mentioning?) & that he is going to change the way people think.

Zac’s response: “how? I’m old and so is my wife”. He doubts and disbelieves what the angel said, and possibly the strangest part of this exchange, the Angel gets annoyed and (for lack of a better phrase) “casts a spell” preventing Zac from speaking until the birth of his son. 
Fast forward 6 months, Mary enters the scene. The angel of the Lord returns. “Confused and disturbed” Mary listens to what the angel has to say. “You’re going to have a baby, his name will be Jesus, he will save the world, etc, etc”. Her response “how can his happen? I am a virgin”. The angel informs Mary of the logistics (again including this Holy Spirit character?) & that her relative Elizabeth is currently 6 months pregnant. 

Mary’s response is a little different from Zachariah’s: “I am the Lords servant. May everything you have said about me come true”. 
So far the writer has introduced two sets of characters, one Zac & Liz who receive a visit from an Angel, doubt what is said & as a consequence, he can’t talk for 9 months, and Mary, whom questions the angels, but believes in what he said & hopes for the future.
The story continues, Mary decides to go visit Liz and when Mary arrives, it turns into a musical and Mary ends up writing a song of praise. We are told that Mary stays for 3 months then returns home. 6+3=9, which means she could have been there for the birth, but the next passage doesn’t seem to reflect that. 
“When the baby was 8 days old…”

The baby was nameless for 8 days, and Zac still hadn’t been able to talk. It’s not until they name the baby John that Zac is able to speak. 

I’m intrigued by the order of events, Liz is like “we will name him John”, the crowd are like “but that doesn’t fit in with the customs, the rules even, what’s Zac got to say about this?” The text says Zac wrote on his tablet (not his iPad, he must have been an Android user), “his name is John”. Is there a subtext of “whatever Liz says goes?”. The Angel had told Zac to name him John, had they discussed this over the tablet?. It was at this point Zac is able to speak! Hurray! The text says: “Awe feel on the entire neighbourhood”. This old man who couldn’t speak for 3/4 of a year, can now speak. How Amazing!

His first speech after regaining his speech back, a prophecy handed by the Holy Spirit (that name again). 
Some questions:

Did Zac’s prophecy have more or less impact given this history of not being able to speak?
Both Zac and Mary were given their future direction handed to them by ‘the Lord’, would this feel liberating or restrictive?
Who is this Holy Spirit character that keeps on popping up?
Why was it important that John wasn’t to drink wine? 

Do you want to be well?

Jesus asks a sick man the question “Do you want to be well?” before healing him.

I always thought it was a bit of a silly question, of course he wants to be well…right? But recently the meaning of the question has changed for me. Instead of asking permission about whether the man wants to be healed or not, I think he might be asking him to remember life, before he was unwell.

In my personal experience of my little broken bone this year, I discovered that it’s very easy to get stuck inside the day to day “sickness”. It’s hard to remember that life wasn’t always like this. Sure there’s time when I pick up a power tool….or at least attempt to pick up a tool & fail, and I remember back to a time when I was full of health. But mostly, I feel I just adapt in this “new life”, in some ways it’s a “sub par” version of my old life physically.

Do I want to get well? Yes. But often I forget that returning to that life is an option, as the present reality and situation says otherwise. 

The good news is that the Physio believes I’m on track for health. Hurray! There’s just a bunch of work to do between now & then.

[update]

Since writing the start of this post, I’ve been dwelling on the idea of what other ways have I got “stuck” in without realising it.

Do I want a clean house? Yes I do. My BS excuse around the lounge room is “that is where the heater is & therefore it make sense to put the clothes horse there”, which in turn blocks up the traffic flow. For some reason my personal pet hate is washing everywhere. I think that, that stems from my childhood, having to constantly keep a family of 4s washing done & clean & the inability for anything to dry outside 8 months of the year.

Prayer of healing

While walking into church this evening, I ran into a family from another church who were visiting. The last time I had seen them was at a sudo Passover meal, back at Easter time. She commented “your free! No sling!”, as when we had previously meet up, I was still sling bound. “Not quite free yet” I replied “it still not quite right”. 

By this time I had caught up with them, instead of yelling across the car park. Upon hearing the news, without hesitation he put his hand on my shoulder and started praying for healing. My initial reaction was that he was just being funny, but then I remembered this couple had invested a great deal into learning and understanding supernatural things, like praying for healing.

Jesus had a story around if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can move mountains. I’ve heard a bunch of sermons on this (sadly, no pastor has ever managed to perform a magic trick on stage where he/she moves a mountain…)

Did I even have a mustard seed sized amount of faith that this guys impromptu car park prayer would actually work? I don’t think I did. I had been living with this temporary new “normal”, that the idea of something praying a prayer and fixing it….hadn’t even crossed my mind. 

I bet you want to know if it worked or not. At this stage I’m not sure. I’ll find out on Friday at the Physio, whether or not I’m back to 100%. 

How to bottle up jealousy & anger & use it for good & not evil

I wish I could provide myself with some clear advice on how to actually do what the title of the posts says, but unfortunately I am not there yet.

I am encouraged by the stories of those who came from nothing & rose to something. I think we all are at some level. But that encouragement doesn’t turn to motivation. And without that fire to get the job done, whatever it takes, it seems that only average results follow. 

I want to be the best….but not that badly

When I look around me, with the people I know, very few of them are   truely busting their ass to get to where they want to go. I do not feel like one of them. (Others may disagree, however I don’t feel like I’m getting the outcome I’m looking for). I feel like a lazy western white guy. I don’t have to really work hard to get paid. I sit at a computer and bang away on some buttons, make things happen and in return get some cash. I don’t have to pick up heavy things, rarely do I need to work odd hours (however I am more productive outside of bankers hours, than in), nor do I have to juggle kids or staff. I feel that I work hard in busts on projects.

I think I’m just too comfortable and too afraid to make a jump….in any direction. Without jumping, the world is rushing past and I am getting left behind.

I use to be a long term thinker, but for some reason life beat that idea out of me. I feel so short sighted and like I’m just jumping from small thing to small thing.

I have no answers, only questions.

Project getting shelved

The client behind the “biggest creative project I’ve attempted” rang me today with news that the project is going to be put on hold for 8-10 months. 

Sad news, but it adds room for other smaller projects which is good. It also allows for further skill development.

In other news I got to play with some new software today, very techy, but in a some way it’s a creative outlet, configuring server setting & getting locked out of the box!

Two things on my mind

Today a video project that I worked on a few weeks back went public. My first long form video project in years (the run time is 22 minutes). The band that was featured in it wanted to know how I wanted to be created. I hadn’t even thought about crediting myself. 

I’m sure I’m the worst person at self promotion. I just want the work to speak for itself, and if people are interested enough in it, they’ll find who created it. But maybe I should have at least put my name at the end for 3 seconds. (Although I’m currently having an identity crisses around branding…)

It’s been up for a few hours and has about 100 views which is cool, especially given the long form nature of it.
The second project is a technical one, where I’m doing some basic, but interesting reverse proxying of a website. But the technical side is easy, trying to integrate it with a software provider is the tricky part. It’s really weighing me down in a mental sense trying to solve this problem.
In other news DigiDirect has 10% off over the next few days :)…I might do some shopping.